Thursday, January 20, 2005

Flip Flop Extreme Extensions

Jon's Flip Flop Extreme theory started me thinking myself in circles, almost a month ago now. The whole theory hinges on the notion that you can only have one perspective at a time, hense having to switch back and forth. So naturally I started thinking about the possibilty of being/thinking more than one thing at a time. Thinking about thinking. Intense. But here's the deal: I don't know if one can really bring more than one clear, focussed thought to full conscious attention in one particular moment in time. So far I can't do this anyway. For example, I know that I live under many titles, lables, roles, etc. at a time, but when I really focus in on one of them, and let it encompass the full stage of my consciousness, the others fall to the margins.
So then that train of thought got me thinking about what a thought really was. This is where it starts getting prickly. When I think, it's like I almost hear the words in my head, like an inner dialogue. That, for me, is the essential experience of a thought, at least when I'm concentrating on it. I can only have one of these thought-word-sounds at a time - time being the infinitesimal pinprick of the present moment.
Next step in this gloriously convoluted thought train: What is it to be? It is our thoughts and feelings make us who we are. They are our conscious experience of life and existence. They are our experience of being. We are our thoughts. For example, when I think about who and what I am in terms of a particular one of my many roles, say as a daughter, I have a serious of word-thoughts related to this. I can't very well think about more than one of my aspects of existence in that very moment. Therefore, I can't really be more than one thing at a time.
Thinking about thinking is intense and dangerous to your sanity, but so wonderfully confusing and clarifying simultaneously.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The Flip Flop Extreme

A few weeks ago, the foundations of my habitual way of thinking and being were shaken. Thankfully so. I was a fan of the phrase "everything in moderation" in regards to many of the things of life. And I would picture the typical scale of balance as the mental image of this idea. I still think this applies well for the things that we put onto and into our bodies, but it doesn't necessarily apply to the way we experience life. Not for myself anyway.
This, in essence, is the flip flop extreme:
Moving back and forth from extremes of an experience/perspective on life, rather than finding the middle ground. Living in the blacks and whites of experience instead of in the dull gray inbetween. Everytime you switch from one to the other, you bring ever more perspective and understanding.
After a lot of thinking about it, I'm realizing that until Jon explained this little philosophy of his, I was living a contradiction in my head. My experience of life has always been somewhat like a sinusoidal graph (only a nerd would use this analogy....); cycles of up and down, through good and bad, black and white. But there I was picturing this balanced scale as my motto of being. Really, the image I should be seeing is the scale in complete inbalance, but constantly shifting back and forth so that over a period of time, it is in fact balanced.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Anticipating Insomnia

After successfully warping my internal clock, I find myself awake when I would like to be asleep. I drank too much last night, so I slept all day today trying to avoid the hangover. The worst part is that my brain power has been reduced enough so that there is little I can do to entertain myself while I wait for sleep.

Random commentary on my current existance:

A bar in the back of this chair is digging into my flesh.

Nonsense sounds in a foreign language song whisk me back in time to April 2003, to a little house on the edges of Chilliwack. An afternoon spent like a cat, with music filling my ears and the depths of my soul. Time spent with a friend. Now the notes caress my soul, my memories.

Ironically solitaire is my best companion at the moment.

Is it possible to exist as more than one thing at the same time? Sure enough I carry the titles of several things all at once, but am I really being more than one things at a time? I need to think about this more and try to fully express it another time. Another post. Another day.

My bum is numb my eyes are dry and I want to fall asleep.

This has no cohesion.